I’m not a big shopper. I’ll go through a phase when I want to charge stuff to my maxed out credit card, but for the most part, I wear whatever I can fit into from my past. But sometimes a shopping spree can be worth the finance charges. On occasion, you buy things you’ll never wear outside the dressing room, but a while back, I bought stuff I didn’t even want to try on.
It was Christmas and I was going to North Carolina to meet my future mother-in-law (Ex-Husband #2) for the first time. She is a Southern Baptist, so I knew I not only had to watch my mouth, I was going to have to change my look. Skinny jeans and fuck me pumps were not going to get me in her will. So, I bought what I thought she’d like to see; Khaki pants, pink button down oxford and some loafers. It was cold so Ex-Husband #2 also picked out an olive green sweater with flowers on the bottom.
On day two of wearing this shit, I broke out in hives. I was moving around so much trying to get comfortable that I threw out my back. I couldn’t even numb the horror of what I was wearing because there was no alcohol in the house and no bar for 20 miles. It wouldn’t have mattered, I didn’t want to be seen in public.
On day four, I couldn’t take it anymore. It was our last night there, I pulled out the tight black dress I had secretly packed. I didn’t wear it out of the bedroom, but I had to at least have a sense of normalcy. Before I left for dinner, I took off the dress and begrudgingly put on the khaki’s. Without underwear. At least the rubbing against the seam made me feel a little like myself. And it made the night more enjoyable.
Moral of the story, there is nothing wrong with dropping off an entire suitcase full of clothes at Goodwill on your way home from the airport.