I’m not that big on dating to begin with, so to me a blind date is a fucking nightmare. I’ve only been on two of them. The second one resulted in me being naked in a trailer and adding a new number. (#65) But the one I want to write about is an example of why you shouldn’t trust people you haven’t seen since grammar school.
My school buddy and I reunited on Facebook. I was in love with him in 5th grade and remember sharing a pack of Now-N-Laters with him during class one day. I wondered what happened to him and he lives in Seattle now. He was no longer an option (and he doesn’t eat candy anymore), but he said he had a friend nearby he thought would be great for me to go out with.
First of all, he was not nearby. Secondly he was ugly. That’s never stopped me before so I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Doubt took over. He was very “affected” for a boring, unattractive mother fucker. He had an incredible command of the English language and made me feel rather stupid. Not just because I don’t normally use five syllable words, but because I’d agreed to go out with him in the first place. (although I like to say “edification”.
Dinner was horrible. At one point, I thought I’d be open about my worst fear; having something in my teeth. I joked that that was the good thing about having a husband, you could always ask that question.
“I’m not one of your husbands.”
Well, let’s see if we can get this over with asap. Luckily we did. I never talked to him again and I actually stopped talking to our mutual friend. Obviously he surrounded himself with the wrong kinds of people and it was better to defriend him. So I did. Here’s a six syllable word, “Bye, bye mother fuckers”.
Moral of the story, the only time to go on a blind date is if the person is visually impaired